The Amalgamation of Non-Aligned Lifeforms Starfleet
(The A.N.A.L. Starfleet)
Keeping the peace as best we can.
ASK DR. FORTRAN
by Dr. Pascal Fortran
Dear Dr. Fortran,
I am 34 years old white male and a staunch liberal. Recently I have become engaged to a beautiful woman of good breeding with an excellent background. My own family has a closet full of skeletons. My younger brother is a gay transvestite with a sex change operation. That makes him a man who now is a woman dressing up like a man looking for other women. Or something like that. The older brother has been arrested several times for carnal use of farm animals. This and his other actions are so vile and despicable that everybody in town spits at the very mention of his name. My younger sister is a former mob hit woman now turned $1000 a night call girl. She says that working on her back is better than constantly watching it. The older sister is on welfare with three children born out of wedlock. One white, one black and one Chinese. My father, who died two years before I was born, was cashiered from the Navy when a slight navigational error caused him to sail his destroyer into downtown Milwaukee. He eventually found employment as the town drunk. He died in a tragic accident when a meter maid inadvertently drove over him as he lay in the gutter. Mother was forced to take a job as a cable splicer on the waterfront in order to make ends meet. She later played the piano in the local brothel, which was owned and operated by Grandma. Grandpa was lynched by an angry religious congregation. Actually lynching isn't how thwy saw it. They invited him to particapate in a public ceremony in which the platform gave way. Anyway, it seems that after a bad Saturday night Mexican dinner, he let loose with a particularly powerful rectal effusion the next day in church, blowing out the four pews behind him, killing 4 members and maiming another 16, setting fire to the curtains and ultimately caused the building to burn to the ground.
My question is this, Dr. Search, should I tell my fiancee that I voted Democrat in the last election?
Baffled
No, do not tell her! Some things are better left unsaid and should never be mentioned.
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