The Amalgamation of Non-Aligned Lifeforms Starfleet

(The A.N.A.L. Starfleet)

Keeping the peace as best we can.

ASK DR. FORTRAN

by Dr. Pascal Fortran

Dear Dr. Fortran,

What causes thunder and lightning?

Rebecca in Provo

Lightning is cause by aliens using giant flash photography to take pictures of Earth from space. While they may have mastered intergalactic space travel, they haven't perfected the rechargable flash. They still use the old Blue Dot technology and when these things misfire a bolt of energy actually shoots through space and strikes the ground. This is much better than the previous Flash Powder technology. It is theorized that a colossal miscalculation in the amount of powder to be used was actually the cause for the extinction of the dinosaurs.

Thunder is also caused by space aliens.. These creatures are notoriously bad drivers (flyers?). They are either too busy smiling for the camera or putting on their makeup in the rear view mirror to pay attention. They keep bumping into the clouds in the upper atmosphere and rear-ending themselves. This bumping sound you hear is what you call thunder.

Why hasn't the normal populace ever seen space aliens? It's because they are just too embarrassed to land on Earth in their dented ships.

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