The Amalgamation of Non-Aligned Lifeforms Starfleet

(The A.N.A.L. Starfleet)

ASK DR. FORTRAN

by Dr. Pascal Fortran

Dear Dr. Fortran,

Why are all the icebergs up by the North Pole? I mean, how come they don't have icebergs at the equator where they could use them?

Distraught in Des Moines

Dear Pomona,

An interesting question, but the answer should be perfectly obvious to any one enjoying the benefits of 20th cetury technology.

Try this experiment: Go to the kitchen, obtain a glass, four ice cubes, and a water faucet. Place the cubes in the glass, then fill the glass with water. Observe what occurs.

Yes, the cubes float to the top.

This is due in part because of the Law of Frigidynamics, originally set down by Dr. Havoline Pennzoil Edsel. The Law states that all cold masses will rise to the top, given that sufficient warmth is applied to the substance that the cold mass is place in/on. So, as you can see, the icebergs are all up by the North Pole because the laws of Physics keep them there, and do not allow them to venture further south than 45 degrees North lattitude. Had Dr. Edsel been born a century earlier, the Titanic might still be afloat.

Dr.Edsel's law also helps explain why you jump up if you sit on something extremely hot, or why you are forced to hop when you cross blacktop barefoot on a nice summer day.

Now, do yourself a favor and move to a real city.

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