The Amalgamation of Non-Aligned Lifeforms Starfleet

(The A.N.A.L. Starfleet)

ASK DR. FORTRAN

by Dr. Pascal Fortran

Dear Dr. Fortran,

Recently, I was in a sports bar with my husband when a minor altercation broke out. One of the participants doubled over and in a low agonizing voice tried to yell Go Nads! Is this some kind team or something?

Myra Ghuards

Dear Myra ,

Yes, you are absolutely right! The Nads are any one of several ball teams involved in stick sports. The Nads don't function well under pressure and therefore don't win many major tournaments, so you may not have heard of them. They are one of the few teams that participate in several sports.

Let me explain the sports that they are most noted for. Take baseball. A stick trying to hit a ball so that the batter can score. Swing your stick just right and you'll get a home run. And then there is golf. Another stick trying to drive a ball into a hole. If you swing your stick wildly, your ball may not go where you want it to go. To protect the other players you must yell, Fore! This is where the term foreplay comes from. Don't forget hockey. A stick trying to hit a flat ball past the goaltender to achieve a score. And last we have polo. A mallet with a head on it, again, trying to drive a ball. Team Nads is active in many sports. All except football. Excessive consumption of steroids by the players in this game has made sticks utterly useless.

We can see from these examples that while the size of the bat, club, stick or mallet are essential to the proper performance in the various games, it is really Team Nads that is the driving force behind them. When push comes to shove, it's the efforts of these unsung heroes that really count. And remember the next time you see the Nads take the field in an exhibition game, go nuts, and yell Go Nads!

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