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His Most Supremely Exalted Lord Most Highly Glorified Admiral of the Fleet, Champion of the Empress of Obsidia, Hero of the Pug Wars, High Clan Chief of Greater Scotland and the Lowlands, Most Humongous Grand Pubah of the Order of Water Buffaloes, Hun of Huns, First Merman of the Mystic Knights of the Sea, High Priest of the Order of St. Mitch, Keeper of the Peace, Handler of the Vultron Piano Wire of Mutilation, Dealer of the Mitsubishi Diamonds of Death, Ubar of All Gor, First Speaker of the Second Foundation, Heir to Houses Atreides, Pancakes, and Dressing, Pope of the People's Catholic Church, Chief Elder of the Howard Families, Chairman Pro Tempore of the Knights of Columbus, Guardian of the Sacred Sisters of the Pristine Princesses of the Gilded Veil of St. Tammany, Ringer of the Bell of Tockoes, Eight-Time Mister Olympia, Blender of the Holy Elixir of Dionysus the Stumbling, Douchemeister Du Valkyries, Donner of the Red-Nosed Cap of Blitzen, Master Harper Emeritus of All Pern, Former Member of the Order of Unattached Lensmen, Honorary Member of the Daughters of Lesbia, Grand Guitarist of the Sons of the Pioneers, Grand Vizier to the Court of the Crimson King, Chiller of the Schnapps that Made Olawsey Famous, Knight of the Golden Shower, and Defender of the Catholic Faith.
His Most Supremely Exalted Lord Most Highly Glorified Admiral of the Fleet,
Knight of the Golden Shower and Defender of the Catholic Faith.
My Friends in Starfleet,
Let me take this opportunity to welcome you to the Amalgamation of Non-Aligned Lifeforms Starfleet, known to those in the know as ANAL Starfleet. For those of you just entering this wonderful segment of our universe, please check your sanity at the door. Life in ANAL Starfleet is usually surprising, filled with hard work, menial labor, ridiculous assignments, and great rewards. For those who are already officers, you know that the above is a lie perpetrated by our select group to keep the unwanted refuse of the galaxy from applying. Well, it's all lies except the great rewards part. And the ridiculous assignments.
Your mission is, if you decide to accept it (see, we'll copy anything), to help explore the universe, seek out new life-forms and new civilizations (there I go again) and to figure out a way to turn those discoveries into a tidy, on-going profit venture for Niagara Industries, Ltd. And, of course, to wreak havoc among our sworn and sworn-at enemies, the Klingfrees and the Remoulades, not to mention the Bjornn.
Have fun exploring the universe with us! And remember the Starfleet motto,
'Keep The Peace As Best You Can!
'
My Eminence,
Hiawatha M. Niagara,
Admiral of the Fleet
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