Amalgamation of Non-Aligned Lifeforms Starfleet
A.N.A.L.
STARFLEET OFFICER RECORD
- Last Revised:
- Stardate 9126.10
- Officer Name:
- PEDESTRIAN, Red Cecil
- DATE OF BIRTH:
- 7:0000.00
- PLACE OF BIRTH:
- Nike City, Shutoun, Payless System
- PARENT(S):
- Kross Walker Pedestrian; Mary Kay Reebok
Red is the only son of the son of the founder of Pedestrian, Hitt, &
Rhrunn, financial consultants to the O'Bryan System, and of the sole
heir of a large pedal cosmetics empire. His first claim to fame came as
his father advanced him his first allowance of fifty cents, which he
parlayed into a mega-billion dollar fortune within 39 stardates. He was
able to compute compound depreciation of equipment before he could spell it.
Red was drafted into Starfleet by then-Amiga Sam Drucker, and put to work
salvaging the economy of the Calcutta System. After founding the Bank of
Calcutta and Credit Intergalactic
(BCCI),
Pedestrian completed his training at Starfleet Academy, where he excelled in
improving methods of recovering war costs through the implementation of his
Roberty Leasing System, by which the costs of projectiles are completely
depreciated during their manufacture.
CONDENSED STARFLEET RECORD
- 5201.51 Ensign, Grade AA Large, Quartermaster, SIK-1533
A.S.S. HARRY
- Saves Starfleet billions when he convinces accountants that the
Klingfrees owe us for the cost of weapons used against them because
they started the Whermaczech Incident.
- 7702.39 Commander, First Officer, SIK-1541
A.S.S. ANOPHELES
- Ends rebellion on Rigel Four when he convinces the Rigellians that their
major medical policies do not cover injuries incurred in a war that
they start. Receives Neville Chamberlain "
Peace In Our Time
"
award for peace. Thus begins his reputation as an intergalactic
"peace-monger for profit
".
- 8603.21 Captain Commander, First Officer, SIK-1541
A.S.S. ANOPHELES
- Negotiates first-ever peace treaty between natural enemies Les Phillen
and Taest Grate by settling the Great Foome Dispute. This action brings
first peace in recorded history to the Miller System. Niagara-Busch stock
rises 403% over the next 28 stardates. Reputation continues
to build.
- 9078.39 Corporal Captain, First Officer, SIK-1541
A.S.S. ANOPHELES
- Salvages
BCCI,
whose assets had mysteriously disappeared into a black hole, by
convincing his Captain, James Luke Mulé, to take an early
retirement and invest his dividends from his shares in Niagara
Industries Limited into the ailing bank. Pedestrian's father and
many other Amalgamation officials show their gratitude for saving their
fortunes by bestowing upon '
Red
' the title of
"Protector of the Pocketbook
".
- 9078.50 Promoted to Captain, commanding SIK-1541
A.S.S. ANOPHELES
- During the Pug Wars, Pedestrian psychoanalyzes the invading fleet,
determining that they all need to get laid, or the Remoulades
equivalent thereof. After a sub-space call to Sir Frisken Search,
suggesting that Search begin to intensify local advertising in the
area, Pedestrian steals keys to enemy warships while their pants were
down. Pedestrian then set the self-destruct devices, destroying the
entire fleet (and some of his, too), stranding the crews, who had to
return home red-faced. R.C.P. Limousines,
Inc., rises 212% overnight.
- 9122.06 Vice-Amiga.
- Calls foul and walks out of Bjornn Wars over compensation dispute with
enemy.
"Keeping the peace as best we can.
"
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