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Damn'
Born to the inevitable chance union of Starfleet's most incompetent officer, and Starfleet's
second most incompetent officer, it was a miracle that he survived conception, much less childbirth.
But survive he did, and the galaxy has been a much brighter place since, or, at least the inside of
his trousers has been. (It's kinda tight in there, too.) Eacha was heard to say, when he marched
out of the womb, "I'll get even with them, no matter how long it takes! Damn, it's bright
out here.
"
By the age of three, Eacha had mastered most of Starfleet's introductory texts, and, more
amazingly, eared his Ph.D. in Gynecology shortly
before his fourth birthday. Upon reaching puberty at the age of six, he was taken under the wing of
Admiral Uberall S. Doichlan, who tried to teach him strategy and tactics. Eacha proved a quick
learner at conventional tactics, including the best pick-up lines to us in Pop--Rocks, but was a
failure in grasping the techniques of inventive and unexpected maneuvers. (Ubi was reported to say
that "Cheer-ios' most original tactic was '
" Ubi went on
to claim that he thought, "Look, it's the Goodrich Blimp!
'Cheer-ios couldn't think past the end of his dick. But, in his case,
that may be far enough to get him past most Klingfree Captains and into many of ours.
")
After earning his commission at the age of ten, Admiral of the Fleet Niagara and Captain Poak Yr Hontas gave the boy wonder personal instruction, and within days, had enamored himself to most of the female staff at Starfleet Command. Admirals Niagara, Doichlan, Gumdrop, Furkids and DeRay pronounced him fit for duty, and was made available for command.
Cheer-ios won the Windfall Rank Lottery, where Starfleet raffles off commissions left open due to
retirement and/or death, and became the youngest cadet to attain the rank of Vice-Amiga in Starfleet
History. (Charges that Eacha bribed the female lottery official with her choice of "$2 or
unlimited gratuitous sexual favors
" were later dismissed, but never disproven.)
Look! It's the Goodrich Blimp!" and immediately employed the Ramses Concealment Defense, rendering his scout ship impregnable.
We'll never find that Spot if we keep going about this search bassackwards."
Keeping the peace as best we can."
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