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Keeping the peace as best we can."
Dear Dr. Fortran,
I am a sexually frustrated 23 year old swimsuit model and former high school cheerleader. I have been married for 2 years but for the last year my husband (same age) and I seem to be DOING IT less often. The doctor says my husband is important. I think he's limpid. Is there anything I can do to help him overcome his affliction?
Anita Begwon
Pene Cojera, N.M.
Thank you for writing and after I found someone who was able to translate your letter I can inform you that your husband is neither of great significance nor is he transparent. He is impotent!
Since you did not mention any physical problems I will assume the poor schmuck has none. The first thing I would do is hire a private detective and have him followed. He may be seeing another woman. This might be the cause for his paltry performance in your bedroom. If he is, may I suggest my attorneys, Dewey, Gougem and Howe. Again I will assume that this is not the case. I will also make the assumption that he has not forsaken you for an alternative lifestyle.
What remains is that Mother Nature has played a cruel joke on your husband's flimsy manhood and the only recourse for him is psychological counseling.
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