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Keeping the peace as best we can."
This time I would like to forego the usual question and answer forum in order to expound upon some alarming trends I have uncovered concerning women's underwear.
While perusing the Sunday color ad supplements in the newspaper and after minimal investigation I have determined that both products mentioned below are meant for females who suffer from low upper-body self-esteem.
First is the so called Miracle or Wonder Bra, said to be comprised of up to 42
separate pieces. Why do they call it a Wonder Bra? Is it Wonder as is Wonder Bread
(soft and fluffy)? Is it Wonder similar to Wonder Woman (hard and firm)? Or is it
wonder as in speculation (I wonder if they're real?)? Why not use a more generic
term like Ultra or Mega? Why not use a more realistic name like Charlatan or
Pretender? The bra professes to create cleavage where none existed before. This
violates the Law of Conservation of Mass. No matter how hard you try, can't end
up with more than you started with and you can't repeal the laws of physics!
Just think of the amount of potential energy that could be stored in one of those
things. We can only hope that it will be harnessed for use by the forces of good.
Also, imagine the horror the consumer might encounter when they get this multi-piece
contraption home and read the small print on the package - "SOME ASSEMBLY
REQUIRED!
"
The other perverse idea that I have found is a bra that has removable cookie pads.
This sounds like a crummy idea to me. [Note: These seem to be some kind of new
push-up apparatus.] What kind of cookies are they using? Peanut butter? Chocolate
chip? Sugar? Oreos? (Don't get caught licking the middle.) I bet if it's
Oreos, it's the Double Stuff kind. I don't know about you, but I'd think
twice about dating a woman who shoves bakery products down the front of her blouse.
(Not to mention smelling like yeast, but I guess I already did.) What will they put
into bras next? Muffin cups? Cupcake liners? This could also lead to a whole new
set of unmanted sexist remarks like, "Look at the loaves on that one!
" Just
think, during Mardi Gras signs will be hung from balconies proclaiming and crowds in
the street will chant, "SHOW US YOUR SWEET ROLLS!
"
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